It takes many years for me to be 'survival' stage as today. Do the routine days, take part to busy daily days, throw to baking for the orders, closer to Allah in praying and reading Alquran, then of course being totally mother for Khansa which consume my time mostly. I forgot when the last time I cry for him, maybe yesterday maybe two days a go or more. It is not an achievement but one step for me to survive. I am in path to relieve. My dream no longer with me. He may forget me, even deleting all the dots in his mind so ... I just say to myself : I already forgotten and away. When remind him ... I dont find my tears but as more as long empty sight. I realize I have been empty and cold. Yes, I am hurt but ... I can acceept it. What I know he has gone.

My dream, as if you were still with me there would be many things to tell you. Khansa just roll in the kindergarten. I drive her each morning at 7 am to school and pick her at 10 am. I also take her to write and read course three times in a week at noon. My dream, khansa will be 5 this October. She is with you since in my stomach. When I was talk to you she moved so fast and turned around. When I didnt sleep each night for taking care her you were there with me. I just know you are there. And I just know I am there for you. I just there when you laugh and cry. The tears never end my dream, until today everything just same.