Silent Hill

I am seeing him sleeping on bed with effortless. My husband. I just took him to doctor, drove in heavy rain and windy surely the road too slippery for the tires. High blood pressure, sore throat, heavy flu, fever and make his heart beats faster than normal. My husband passed cathetrization heart operation in 2011. Next year, 2014 inshaallah he will do nerves operation which located on both of his molar teeth. I am sure he always can pass.

I never blame about his work in governmental area of Ministry of finance in Tax Directorate. There always be target to tax paid. It surely happened in all public sector. I was in Pertamina, the oil and gas company, for 8 years. I really so much understand about the target, the rules, the bureaucracy, the analysis and many out of box cases and unspoken things inside. I remembered the last time he told me about his target, 4 billion in Rupiahs for tax income. Definitely not small amount of money to reach and he just final it not for last this December. 

I remembered about 3 years ago. When he and his parents suddenly came to my house, asked me to be his wife and his family set everything as like a juggle play the balls in circus. I WAS IN SILENT HILL. I saw my mom beg her to say something but she didn't. I saw to my dad but he never see me. He was so much know, very know that marry never been priority on my life list. He found his way to having me as his wife, TRAP ME IN BOTH FAMILIES. At last he said to me, "You are out of my mind, where every girl in this world who had been dated for almost 8 years, you know how long is that ... inside usually have want and need about marry but you never and never say even bit about marry". Inside my heart said, i already seen my parents marry life that make me think over and over about marry. He never knows that, the only one person who knows about my parents is my dream. I told him, as like the most trust person in this world. I remembered what i said to him that night "I lied to you about my family. My parents fight in many times and almost divorce". 

So much remembered on my Nikha, i saw my mom and my grandma, they smiled while in this heart say run run run run run. Closed my eyes, cried, nod down in this heart said "Please ... come ... please ... take me .... safe me. I am not want this". I paused in quite long when everyone waits me to sign Nikha book which was mean, this married already legal in Islam and Country. The hands trembled, the head spinned and again run run run run run whispered. I never seen my mom smiled that bright as like that day, so did my grandma. The two persons who the most worth for me. How can i run, how can i ruin all of these. Everything already set. 

I already in Silent Hill, tonight remembered all bring me to Silent Hill again.

Sent from : http://www.ryzafebriastyandkhansaamaira.blogspot.com/2013/12/silent-hill.html