"Bunda ... so pain !!!!" many many times khansa cried loudly at me. And I just "stttsss ... dont cry. Bunda is here, nothing is pain" I held her hands, carried her or just caress her back. She got 4 times injections and 5 days infused. It was the 4th time khansa hospitalized for last 5 years in her ages. Honestly, I just want to cry whenever she said that pain but I didn't. I want to show her how to be strong, brave and patience in condition like that.
Actually I couldn't find any difference between me and my daughter when we were sick. She always calls my name many times until she fall asleep then me .... I always call my dream.
She never prepare herself to loose me, because she knows I never leave her. Then myself ... I never prepare to loose my dream even I never know will my dream leave me or no.
In corner of the alley where khansa inward in hospital there was babies room. I was so often went there, looked them through glasses window. I smiled and cried looking at them. My mind jumped to long a go when my dream always asked kids from me. And I always said, if I were able in my condition I will do it for you. In fact in my health conditions having a baby is too risky. The ratio is 30:70 means; 70% the baby is alive and myself only 30%.
Love sometimes illogic in brain but logic through heart. Love can bring us one purpose to survive. It can be so sweet aslike sugar and can be so bitter aslike acid. I have through it ... the bittersweet of love and live with my dream.