TODAY IS IDUL FITRI. THIS YEAR I TOTALLY RECEIVED ORDER COOKIES AND CAKES. ALMOST A MONTH I TOOK SLEEP ONLY 2 TO 3 HOURS. BAKED AT NIGHT UNTIL DAWN. EVEN THE LAST DAY, LAST NIGHT ONE OF MY NEIGHBOUR ASKED ME  TO MAKE MARBLE CAKE. SHE SAID SORRY BECAUSE REALLY LATE, SOMEHOW I CANT SAY NO, SHE IS MY CLOSEST NEIGHBOUR SO I SAID YES, INSHAALLAH. SO AGAIN I TOOK SLEEP AT 4 AM AND WAKE UP AT 6  AM. I AM SLEEPY AND JUST GET FLU. THIS YEAR .... EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT. MY PARENTS MAYBE WONT TOGETHER CELEBRATE IED. MY DREAM, WE NOT TOGETHER IN RAMADHAN AND IED THIS YEAR. I THINK I CANT CRY ENOUGH ... MY TEARS ALREADY ENOUGH. I JUST DONT GET IT, WHY EVERYONE SAYS SOMETHING HURT ME. MAYBE I BORN TO BE USED GETTING HURT. MAYBE I DESERVE IT, TO MAKE ME MORE PATIENCE, ACCEPTING AND TOUGH. THIS HERAT HELD NOT TO CRY BUT MY EYES WONT LIE. THEY ARE EMPTY AND TEARY. HAPPY IED. INSHAALLAH I STILL MEET RAMADHAN NEXT YEAR.

MY DREAM ... I MISS YOU

STILL RAINING OUTSIDE. 3.43 AM AND STILL BAKING FOR WAITING LIST ORDER PASTRY. TOMORROW I HAVE TO START BAKING FOR CAKE ORDER UNTIL 2 DAYS BEFORE IDUL FITRI. OH GOD, SO MANY LIST TO DO. I JUATJUST FINISHED 60 PACKAGE COOKIES ORDER AND ALREADY DELIVERED THEM. I AM HAPPY, TIRED AND SLEEPY. LOOK NOW ... I JUST LAYING ON COUCH. MY MIND STARTING WILD. WONDERING MY DREAM. I WONT LIE, BE NAIF AND HIDE IT. I AM LONGING HIS HUG, KISS, TOUCH AND LOVE HIM. I MISS MY DREAM. I LOVE HIM. I WANT AND NEED HIM. LOOK NOW, I JUST START CRYING. REMAIN THE MOMENTS WITH HIM MAKE ME SPEECHLESS. MISSING MY DREAM LIKE THIS ... WHAT CAN I SAY ? I PRAY FOR GOOD FOR HIM, HOPE HE JUST FINE. HE IS MY DREAM, ONE AND ONLY.

I DREAMED OF HIM LAST NIGHT, MY DREAM. WHAT I REMEMBERED HE LOOKED SAD AND DOWN. I FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED IN DREAMING. HE JUST LOOKED SO DOWN. BUT I SO REMEMBERED I CARESSED HIS FACE AND  RUB HIS HAIR GENTLY, I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING I JUST KISSED HIS EYES AND SMILED TO HIM  MY DREAM HUG ME TIGHT. WE WERE IN SILENT. I HOPE YOU ARE JUST FINE THERE MY DREAM.

RAMADHAN THIS YEAR FEELS SO DIFFERENT. I PASS SAHUR AND BREAK FASTING WITHOUT MY DREAM. FOR MANY YEARS I PASSED THROUGH WITH HIM. WHEN START FASTING HE USED WITH ME, ASKED ME WHAT I ATE. SOMEHOW HE WAKE ME UP AND I DO SAME. WHEN BREAK FASTING HE ALWAYS SAID "EAT MUCH" AND I USED TO SAY "WHAT YOU HAVE FOR BREAK YOUR FASTING" . SOMEHOW I TOOK MUCH CONCERN WHEN HE IS IN UK. LONGER HOURS IN FASTING AND NOT EASY COOK PREAPARED ASLIKE HE WAS IN PAKISTAN. OFF COURSE HE DO ALL BY HIMSELF. BUT LAST YEAR, HE GOT SICK MANY DAYS. SO I HOPE HE MUCH BETTER THIS YEAR. I MISS MANY MOMENTS LIKE THAT. I MISS THE WAY HE CALL ME "MY ANGEL". I MISS THE WAY HE LOVES ME IN GENTLE. I MISS THE WAY HE IS IN MANY THINGS. HIS JOKES, TEASE, LAUGH AND MANY MANY THINGS. I MISS HIM MORE. I AM THE SAME PERSON. SAME HEART AND FEELING TO HIM. ALLAH KNOWS BETTER. ALLAH KNOWS HOW IT FEELS. LOVE AS LIKE MINE ... ALLAH KNOWS IT. MISSING YOU SO MUCH MR TAIMOOR.

RAINING ALL DAY LONG. FOR LAST TWO WEEKS I JUST SLEEP ABOUT 2 TO 3 HOURS IN A DAY. I BAKE THE ORDER COOKIES ON THE LIST. THE LAST ORDER IS ON THE 3RD DAY BEFORE IDUL FITRI COME. :( IT'S CROWDED. WHEN THE ORDER COME I REALLY CANT SAY NO BECAUSE EVERYONE SAYS "PLEASE IT IS FOR IDUL FITRI, PLEASE TAKE MY ORDER" WHEN THEY SAY SAY LIKE THAT SOMWHOW I JUST SAY "I WILL TRY, INSHAALLAH". HARD TO BELIEVE THAT. MAYBE AFTER IDUL FITRI I WILL BE OFF FOR ORDER FOR A MONTH :) MY DREAM, HUG, I WANT TO SLEEP

MY DREAM, I MISS YOU.

MY DREAM, I CUT MY HAIR YESTERDAY. THE HAIR FLOSS SO ... MUCH. MAYBE THE MEDICINE I TOOK SO FAR FOR DDIMER AND WHITE BLOOD CELL EFFECTED MUCH FOR ME. I KEPT THE HAIR LONG UNTIL REACH MY WAIST BUT I CUT IT TO MY SHOULDER. I STARED SO MANY HAIR CUT AND FELL ON FLOOR SO ... SAD. I AM SORRY MY DREAM. I MISS MY DREAM. HOPE YOU ARE JUST FINE. REALLY MISS MY DREAM. LOOK NOW, I JUST CRY WHEN MISSING YOU LIKE THIS. I AM LONGING YOUR HUG. PLEASE TAKE CARE YOURSELF, I KNOW YOU WILL. SO MILES AWAY FROM YOU, THERE HAS SOMEONE MAKE YOU AS THE SUN, THE STAR AND THE MOON.

NO, I DONT ASK MUCH TONIGHT. I JUST WANT MY DREAM COME IN DREAMING. HOLD AND HUG ME WHILE SLEEPING. I JUST FINISHED BAKING FOR ORDER AND NOW 2.26 AM. TIRED BUT HAPPY. THEN HAVING DREAM LIKE THAT IT ASLIKE A BONUS. GOOD NIGHT, WISHING TO MEET YOU IN DREAM.

2.43 AM AND JUST FINISHED BAKING ORDER. I CONSIDERED NOT TO SLEEP AFTER THIS, IN FEW HOURS I WILL START FASTING SO I THINK I WILL SLEEP LATER. SOMETIMES WHEN NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS I JUST REMAIN TO HIM, MY DREAM. WHERE IS HE, HOW IS HE ? WHAT IS HE DOING ? WHEN WILL HE CALL ME AGAIN ? QUESTIONS SOMETHING AROUND. I WISH HE IS FINE AND GOOD. MANY THINGS CHANGE BUT I JUST SAME. HMMMH ... WONDERING HE IS HUGGING ME RITE NOW. YOU ARE MY DREAM. SEE YOU ... I WILL PERFORM TAHAJUD.