Happy New Year 2011



Art Pictures

A Letter For God

Dear Kindness God,

have you listen all my prayers ? have you given me any clue that i would deserve to have a luck, some luck and could be just one luck. I'm tired to dosomething as good as i could, sometimes i feel tired to pray. I am not a bad person and i am not a good person also. But have you know, how tired i am in trying, have you know how hard i am to be tough, have you know how strong my belief as your creation. Blood as started, slowly cover with bones and meats, give highest level as human, and know ... i want your prove that you exist. 

I want that badly, but in a minute you make my belief doubt but more over could my belief stronger. I wont hear anymore about patient, i am enough with it. Just one luck, only one, is it hard to share only one luck for me ? meanwhile you can give much luck to another who you chosen then my asking is ... why not me ? 

Sincerely,

Ryza Febriasty

A Heart Which Left In You - Part 3

This is The end of the story, see you in another stories. Can't wait to make utterly brilliant.

“I miss you Mom” I called Jason whenever I arrived at the airport, “I miss you also, have you warned what I said ?”, “Sure, behave … and behave” I smiled “That is a good boy. So handed to Dad, I want to talk with him”. From this far, I can hear Jason called John, my husband. “You just arrived ?”, “Yes, just did. Is everything okay there ?, how about Jason ? have he eat ?”, “Honey, everything is fine here, relax. Jason will be fine with me. So do you there, please take care. I miss you, big hug and kiss from me and Jason”. I smiled, felt guilty because I worried too much. “I miss you both also. Big hug and kiss from me”. The rest chat, we talked about Jason uniform and courses. It sounds silly, but I never let them alone too long. “John, I love you”. “I love you too Anne”

I have taxi take me to a hotel which I booked yesterday. This is 4 stars hotel, which located center of town. The style is modern designed. A porter takes my bags to my room, well … for few nights it will be my permanent stay. I lay my body on bed, type a messenger “Mike, I am here”. I put off my blouse and high heels. “Here, where?” I received his reply “i'm here“. I smile while put photo frame of John and Jason on the lower shelf beside the bed. “Really, where are you now, I should come to pick you”. I type again “No, I already in the hotel. See you tomorrow. Want to sleep, jet lag cause the flight. Tired. You guide me Okay. Bye.” I turned off the messenger and once see the frame “I miss you Guys, love you two”.

-

This is a tropic country, don’t ask about the weather okay, it obviously like a summer all the time. Even the receptionist said that this month was a rainy season. But, I wonder when the rain will come. So, I consider to wear white dress. With sunglasses in my bag, comfort wages sandal, and linen stylist hat. Hey … what is wrong ? I am a tourist right. I wait him in the restaurant. I enjoy the breakfast, the porridge, hot tea, toast with pineapple jam in it. My phone rings twice, “So, where are you ?” it was Mike. “Don’t you recognize me Mike, am I that old ?” I teased him. “Anne, you just 30, the last time I saw you when Jason born, the first time” I laughed. “Me, in white Mike” directly ended the conversation. My heart races everywhere, as like a teenage meet her boyfriend. But absolutely I am not a teenager, I am a woman with one son and one husband off course.

I sip the jasmine tea, the warm of the sun touch my skin softly. “Anne” He just stands in front of me, with dark blue jeans and turquoise shirt. He is so awesome, as like a petal. “Mike, I am glad to see you again” I try to be cool, off course not let him knows how nervous I am. I put off my hat then smile at him. “You are lovely” I don’t have to ask him to sit, he just sit beside me and kind of admiring myself. “I just …” he stopped, “Mean, I … don’t think you will come. So … are you alone ?” asked him. I nod. “Well, I …” he stopped again. “I … well … I’m happy then … I …”, I reached his hand “Don’t say anything Mike, just take me to some places okay”

The first place we come is the national museum. He tells a lot about history, how struggle the heroes and so on. After that, he takes me to the tallest tower in city, see many tiny things by goggle. Finally, he takes me to this garden, the largest garden park as he says. I am truly hypnotized because in this park, I can see deer everywhere. “Oh my God Mike, I am not in pole as like Santa but I can see deer. I have to capture this, for Jason of course” I captured with my camera. “So, how Jason, how old is he now ?” asked him “Seven” I still capture the group deer, I think it must be the family there. “So, your husband ?” asked him again. “He is fine” I put on my camera in my bag and put the hat on. “So, are you happy then ?”. I pause my breath then look at him “What you see ?” I smiled “I think you are happy”. “Okay, it is nice” I crossed my leg then looked him again. “So, what I will tell you is, I can’t come to your wedding day because I just get three days off. Next Monday I have duty trip to another town. Well, it will be boring meeting but I have to be there to assign a contract. I am sorry Mike” I stand and walking around the chair to feel the air “So much sun in here, nice country, right Mike”

He just pause few minutes even almost half an hour, I count it. “Are you mad at me ?” I asked “No, Anne … do you really can’t come for my wed ?” he asked. “What do you mean ? I crossed thousand miles to come, I am sorry I can’t come to your wed, but what can I do ? meanwhile I can’t let Jason alone without me that long. So, tell me … are you mad ?”

I feel so naive to come here. “Anne”, he grabs my hand to sit beside him “I just want to know, do you really come for my wed ?”, “Well, you asked me to come … so I come?” I answered. “Do you miss me ?”. I froze, “What do you think ?” I asked “You not come only for my wedding Anne, but you come also for me, that the answer I really want to hear”

-

Four days visa, three days in this country, and today it is the first day. I just called again and texted my husband, send him the picture which I captured in the park. The sun aside more friendly in this hour, afternoon, the weather feel warmth. He takes me to a souvenir place, I buy traditional cloth for three of us, even I don’t know when I will wear that.

“Tonight, I will meet her. I want you to come” I shocked “What for” I asked “I want you to meet her, I want she knows you” well, what it is ? “Oh, okay, because I owe you much today, I will come” he looked me deeply. I don’t know what is mean, but I know what his feel. He doesn’t want rotate fast, he just want me here, stay here always.

Back to my room, take bath to come his invitation. I never meet her before but he already told many things, so in my opinion I had known her much. I wear black satin gown with my high heels. I realized, how woman I am today, I answer his call “I will come in 10 minutes, by the way, where you will take me?”. In ten minutes, I meet him in the lobby, as usual he stares me in admiring but lately, I feel so bother in way he looks. “Mike, don’t see me like that. You make me nervous”, “Because you are beautiful” he said “No, don’t say that, take that word to your girl” I nodded.

In thirty minutes, he takes me to a grand ball room where there a girl already waited us. I know her, she must be Savannah. She has beautiful long perfect brown wavy hair. Her skin so light and care much as I see. She smiles at me at first I come, she is so awesome, “You must be Anne, I am savannah” we shake hand. I feel so old around them, “Yes, I am Anne” we start talking, at once I see Mike stares at me and again I feel so bother with it. From this conversation, I can take conclusion that Savannah is an ambitious person quite difference with Mike. She tells me about her study in two majoring subject and so on. I thought she must be an open minded person, outgoing and kind of attractive girl. No wonder Mike already fall to marry this girl. “I hope the wedding day will run well and you as bride frontier I would say, may all the happiness around you both always”, “Thank you Anne. We really need that. Right Hon ?” she smiles to Mike and they start to talk each other that part I really don’t understand. Looking them, I feel so unsafe and uncomfortable. And thanks God, finally it must be end. I can smell her scent from here, well … they look quite match as far I see.

-

This morning remind me to my second day in this hotel. I got hard night to sleep because the time difference, so I chat with Jason and John until I fall asleep. My phone rang, “Can I enter Anne?” Mike asked “No, I am not bath yet, and … look so awful” I answered “Can I enter Anne ?” he repeated “No, I said. Why don’t you wait at lobby, I will come in half an hour, more and less” I answered. “Anne, I already in front of your room”. I stood shockingly “How dare you know my room, wait a min” . I open the door and let him in. He brings a flower for me, white lily, he still know my favorite. “You should wait at lobby. Wait me okay, I will take shower”

Today, he takes me to playing ground, at once he holds my hands at first I feel shy and in comfort but more over I let him. We are not known in short time. He has been close one since long, I can say that he is my part. Honestly, I don’t know what kind of relationship we had so far. It is more than friendship, more that brother as sister but he has been something for me, he is so special too special. I care him a lot, I like him … and realize or not, I love him.

The last ride we take is pinwheels. From this height I can see many lamps as like beautiful carpet, my camera always in my hands, capture everything for Jason. “Anne, there is something I want to ask you” he said “What ?”, “Have dinner with me tomorrow, before you home” he looked me so serious, “Should we ?” I wont let his eyes out of me, I enjoy the time he looked me, so tender, honest and loving. “We should do this, I ask you for the first and can be the last for us”. I nod, my face redden hold my tears run. I know he will marry soon, but I wont hear any last word from him. “Okay, tomorrow … I’m yours Mike” I looked him, holding my tears “Okay, make it beautiful “

-

I don’t know why I have to go to saloon to hair do, but I want to be special tonight. I have packed my things properly, and one box which I wrapped with a beautiful ribbon. A gift for the Mike and Savannah. I touch it softly, I know him so well and soon I have to let go him well also. My phone ring “I am in front of your door, don’t yell again. It’s dinner right, so make it perfect then”. I open the door and see him in delight. He is so young, so bright too much kind for me. “So Mike, where we will go tonight” I asked “To your favorite place” he answered.

I have no idea he will take me cross the Island. It only takes 2 hours from the port. The boat takes us to Marina island. “So the dinner is … seafood“ I asked him doubt “No, I know you hate them, we can chose another”. After eat light dinner, we walk aside the beach to reach the rest area on the bridge. “Why you married Anne ?” he asked me “Is it a question ?” I asked “Yes, why ? do you love him ?” he asked. “I do love him Mike” I answered “More than you love me”. I down my face see the sand cover my feet “Do you?”

I still silent “Why you keep your feeling from me. You know, how I want you bad” Mike still walking and leave me behind, “And I know how you need me back, why you lie ?” he asked. “I am not lying, and you know that for sure. What I come here for, to make many memories before you forget all”

He closes to me “You are totally wrong, I never let you go” he said, “I love him, I wont hurt him even you, i am afraid do wrong Mike. I am sorry” I sit on the wood bench, “Can I hug you” I don’t know what to say, I feel so wrong but I really want it. I am tired keep this feeling, I am tired hiding it, I am tired to act normal and fine, I am tired for lying anymore. “You will marry soon Mike, you are not allow keep this, I am married woman and I feel wrong to feel it. You know me right, know me like my soul, you should know anything without words for me Mike, I … “ he just hug me from back, so tight “I waited this quite long, you said you are mine tonight and I said please make this night beautiful for me”

He handed me to stand, hold my hands and take me to his hug, I wont it end but it should end, he kiss my forehead, caress my hair and my face, at once and can be the last he said “I love you Anne, you know for sure”. I am not reply it, I just keep silent. I am afraid do wrong but I am sure he knows what I want to say that I love him more than he thought.

-

 

My phone ring and it is from him “Where are you ?” He asked “In the airport” I answered “Why you not let me to be with you right now” he asked. “Because I can’t say bye to you” I answered. I can hear his breath deep and heavy, “I have something for you two, I leave it to receptionist hotel, I’m sorry I can’t come Mike … I’m …”. “Anne” He cut my saying “Is logic if you have two husband” he said, I laughed not because funny because I cover my crying “You tell me. Mike, Happy wedding for you two, and don’t do anything crazy after this okay” I warned him “She is such a Peri on fairy tale, you know that. She is real, perfect and she loves you badly” I wipe my tears. “I’ll come there, wait I’m on my way to airport” Mike shooters me.

“No…” I yelled at him “Stop it Mike, please make it easy for me” I said “You said, you have duty trip on Monday right, you lied, you can’t stand see me with another right, you can’t stand see me love another beside you, am I right ?” I can hear his breath heavily, I think he runs to get me but impossible to get here in that short time. My flight will on boarding few minutes from now. “Yes, all you said was true, I am liar, yes I am.”

“Anne, I just want you” I can hear he is crying, I hold my breath “I’m going Mike” I turned off my phone, show my ticket for boarding.

-

“Here the box which Ms. Anne leave, please sign here Sir” the receptionist offer a piece of paper and let Mike assign it. “Thank you, Mr. Mike” she gives him a box with beautiful ribbon on it “Thank you”. He brings it and directly opened it in car, it is a honeymoon ticket to Maldives and a card in it. He takes and reads it “For the Brides”. He stares that card, don’t have any word to say. His sight so far, empty and cold. He nods and reads the last sentences in that card “Happy beautiful weeding”.

A Heart Which Left In You - Part 2
A Heart Which Left In You - Part 1

The Answer

A Heart Which Left In You - Part 2

"Would you come Anne ?" he asked me on the messenger "Hopefully" i wrote it "I want to meet you" it seemed fade me away "And will be lovely to know your fiancee" I waited another messenger, one minute, two minutes, five ... to few minutes later "We are not engaged yet Anne". I shocked "What did you mean ?" okay, i was not curious about it but my thought raced nowhere "I will marry in next two weeks" it must be a good news for me but not at all "Marry ? next two weeks ? crazy you are, surprise" i wrote in speed "Maybe, but please come early before the wedding, i really want to meet you Anne. Can you ?". I couldn't reply his messenger, i took and healed deep breathe, needed a space and air to calm" Hello ... Anne, do you faint or die there :) ?" my phone rang again, i typed new messenger to him "I am not, i'll think about it. I have to go" i was signed off from the conversation. Need some times to set with all of it.

-

"Mom, why you look so quite ?" Jason climbed to my bed and laid beside me "I am Okay honey" I kissed his checks and smiled "You are not. In my school if there was a girl cried it would something bad happened. What is wrong mom ?". Okay, Jason not an adult but he is quite bright for his ages. "I am ... fine" i answered shortly. "You are not, i saw your eyes watered". Wait, Jason just saw me cried. "Really ?" i asked him then he nod. Jason hugs me "Something wrong with me, am i that bad Mom ?" i felt my tears run "No, you are good, don't say that. It is not related with you even dad" i tried to comfort him. Jason still see me with curiosity. "I am okay honey" I smiled and hug him tightly.

A Heart Which Left In You - Part 1

Chicken Soup For The Couples Souls

It wasn't a new book and wasn't the latest book i have read. I like to read chicken soup session for kid, mother, teacher and now the couple. From my opinion chicken soup it made to support, motivate, warm your passion to step in life. That was why the author made many sessions for chicken soup because they knew, human were living like a circle. We were born as a baby, grew up to toddler, teen, mature finally granny. We never be able to live alone, it is not a caution but it is warning. If you, reader, have not read yet this book. Me, as always be a santa, will give freely which sourced by 4 shared. Oh, i love 4 shared much not least i love IDM (Internet Download Manager) to make it easier and faster.
Here comes the ebook : Have Enjoy Chicken Soup For The Couples Souls (click and link it).
Then, if you have troubled while downloading it, try to email me on ryza_febriasty@yahoo.com or leave the messages on my chat box i would help you.

See on another ebook guys.

Part of Me Was Missed

if just could tell
if just could whisper
if just could share
what is missed
what is needed
what is wanted
if just not need words
not need sign
even clue
to show
love,pure, and tender. Words never enough
words never able
to mean it
when heart says 'love me when you used to love'

A Heart Which Left In You - Part 1

I used to come to this cake shop which offer delight cakes, cookies, ice cream, tea to coffee. What cake i like most is opera cake which pour with hazelnut prickers. Love to drink jasmine sure with sugar free with one cup green mint ice cream with cherry on top. I spend much time here just fro reading a novel, less tiring or just want to be alone like i prefer right now.

Melissa, the waitress who is so lovely served me whenever i came to this place "So, how your life today ?" asked her while placing the order on the table. "What you see ?" replied me with bit smile "Oh ..., seems not a good day huh ?". "All i need is hug, you know that" Joked her then laughed. She let me with my order. I sipped the tea, today i ordered mint tea, closed my eyes and once saw my cellphone. I'm not waiting my husband even the only one son called me. I waited an email, a text or could be a messenger. But not one of if it signed. My sight was empty, looked to the wall which is made by glass. An hour left, and goes to two and half hours. I still freezing with an empty sight, "Hello ..., are you here ?" Melissa came and once again greet me "Am i that lost ?" I smiled to her "A lot, any story which you want to share ?" asked her politely "Even i hard to start to talk"  laughed "Just the bill please, just hard to breath right now" added to joke. "Holly sick ... why don't die later on" we both laughed a lot".

-

Morning as usual hectic time in my house, my litle son who just entered elementary school run over the house just put him a uniform school "Jason, honey ... let mommy put your clothes on" what the crazy is i try to run to catch him with his clothes in my hands, "Mommy ... mommy ... get me". I stand in the kitchen where he is hiding under the table "Mommy sees you Jason, don't let mommy eat you like a dino" seems like silly scary thing but usually work "Mommy ... dino never eat me, they already died" oh yeah ... please ... if you just know how smart you are why you have run over the house to make me put on your clothes !!!!.

I grab his hands slowly under the table "Come on Jason, wear this" i put on the clothes along with the pants, the color of the uniform is white and green. "Stay here please, i'll bring the shoes okay". For a moment i bring a pair of shoes and tie them "Mommy ... i love you" suddenly he hug me, the most warm thing i ever find this week. He surely can't know what i'm feeling right now. He just 7 years old but he did everything i need "Jason, mommy loves you also"

-

The sun comes down to my window office, i lay my head to the upper comfort couch and let the report on the table. I could be super woman, i could be squidward on Sponge Bob cartoon nickeledeon who has many hands, i could be bernard bear who always do silly and joking thing just to make me happy, but what is real that i'm a wife with one gorgeous son. I have been married for 8 years. I already havd what all women want, career, married life, happy family, lovely son, good house, nice car and loving husband. What is loose from me ?. I just don't know what has lost. Sometimes i want to get rid for all i have, i just want to go one place where no one knows about me, who i am, where i was from, when i was born, what i do for live, why i have unique taste, and how i through this life. To a place where is really new for me. Stay away from any who close with me but ... how come i leave Jason alone without me ? The son who i adore for, the son who i made many sacrifices in time, effort and pray.

I unlock my cell and start to push the email, there is no new inbox, there are only one sender on the list. Someone who always send and reply my email wherever is, whatever is and however is. Someone who had been my close one since i am single to married person. The deep secret which i never told to anyone. He is ... yes he is a man who is too younger than me. Don't be suspicious that i have an affair with him, it is obviously wrong. I start to read his last email "It is obviously out my mind. You know what ... finally i will marry her". I smiled when re-read his email. They had been dated almost two years not his first girl and will be the last for him. But, why my heart feels worry after received this email. What was wrong with me ?

-

To Be Continue To Part 2

Idul Adha in Few Places

Mecca, Saudi Arabia 

Mecca, Saudi Arabia 

Mecca, Saudi Arabia- Namira Mosque

Mecca, Saudi Arabia

Mecca, Saudi Arabia

 

Mecca, Saudi Arabia

 

Arafat Mecca, Saudi Arabia

Pakistan, Islamabad

  

Yaman

Afganistan,  Kabul

  

Lahore, Pakistan

Gabtoli Market at Dhaka, Banglades

Islamabad, Pakistan 

Islamabad, Pakistan

Al-Hamidiyah souk, di Damaskus, Siria 

Lahore, Pakistan 

Srinagar, India

Baghdad, Irak

 Srinagar, India

Taguig, South Manila, Filipina

Namira mosque in Arafat, Mecca-Saudi Arabia

Arafat, Mecca-Saudi Arabia

Kaaba, Mecca-Arab Saudi

 

          Kaaba, Mecca-Arab Saudi

on way to Batu.Malang

Right now,i'm on my way to Malang. One of city at east java island. I'm using train right on Gambir station to Kota Baru station. Wait fab pictures which i visit whenever i reach there. See you.

I Found You

Love Can Find In Unpredictable Moment

She sipped her coffee and turned her face down. Weary, sad, confuse and afraid. Once again she let her father keep talking on phone "You are my only solution, i really don't know where to ask help. I need that money immediately". 'But the sum of money is too much dad. 20 million ?" her voice lower and deep, she felt faint to realize the number. "Talk to your husband, ask him to lend me. I promise to give back all in short time". The conversation is ended, she is too afraid to talk to her husband. Talk about it seems like try to kill herself slowly.

.

Next day.

"Did he promise ?" her husband asked for sure "He said so. Can you help him, help me ?" She stared his eyes full of hoping. "If he said so, okay" he moved to small drawer in room, took a account book and gave it to her "Take it from here, the deposit. Make sure he pays it back. The money is belongs to us, our plan to buy a house. Immediately we will leave this apartment. Don't you get it ?'. She nodded don't know to understand or afraid.

.

A few weeks later.

"Have you called him ?" her husband asked her. "I did, he said next week" she turned her face down and did some core things in room. Try to less her worry. "Next week, and the other weeks. I really bore to hear that. Let me clear this. The money is your responsibility. I won't take over of it. End of this month he must pay it back, nether less ... I don't know what to do".

.

Her heart racing, her eyes started to wet "Why you talked like that, why you talked like that to my father. Don't you respect him ?" She sit across from him "I tried to respect him. But again and again he never respect me" he walked around her. The selfishness, anger and distrusts covered him. "He never said thank you to me, everything he said -hey, handle this one, take this one, but never and ever he said any thanks to me".

.

She stood with trembling "You are in million, I never seen any who can talk that harsh to my father in front of my eyes. It's too much". "I feel sorry to you and him of course, but it can change anything". She wiped her tears "Don't worry about the money, I'll pay it by myself".

.

One week after.

Morning sky looked clear and bright. Today she has a meeting with an important client. She prepared it from night. He wear beige long blazer to knee with brown blouse inside and not less the beige belt with the same fabric with the blazer. She looked stunning.

.

"Good morning Sir, I'm Aida the secretary of Mr. Albright. He can't come today because he had duty trip. Here this some files which he gave it to me. You can take a look of these" she opened her bag and over him some files. "Thank you Aida, I'm Finn". He opened one by one the paper and sometimes asked some questions to her. The meeting run well, she was glad he could handle the task what her manager gave it to her. "Well, Aida. Can I call you in that way ?", she nodded. "I'm a new comer in this country, so can you give me a favor ?". "What kind of favor Sir ?" asked her. "Have a dinner with me, I feel strange to have dinner by myself. Is it too much ?".

.

Well, the meeting is already on her task list but, the dinner is out of the list. "It's not on my list Sir, my priority is the meeting". He smiled seems like to tease her but in polite way. "Aida, I’m a good person. Don't you think I'm trying to scam you" he laughed. "No, not in my think. Just ... " she took her fingers grumpily and smiled to him "I already married Sir". Finn laughed more "Dinner and affair is totally different Aida, no more excuse okay. Tonight in Four Season Ballroom, I will book it. I have not much time, next morning my plane is on. I will bring the files which I signed for Mr. Albright"

.

The night.

Okay, this dinner just to take those files not more. She already told to her husband, Kieran, and the reaction just fine. She wore black long dress, elegant and far from the party gown. Four seasons is the most luxury hotel that she ever knew. She missed the time with Kieran spend few dinner here. Married was not a hell but after the 'money accident' she looked confuse about him, how Kieran can talk that harsh to her father. Her father not a criminal, he must be sure to pay that money back. Each month Aida has to keep some money to pay it back.

.

"Mr. Finn please" She talked to a receptionist, "Number eight Miss", "Thank you" she smiled and walked to table eight. She gasped, this place is her favorite table with Kieran. "Nice to see you come, have a seat Aida. Don't be too formal". She sit and looked fidget to him. "I'm not used to have dinner with any beside my husband". "I try to understand" He smiled and ordered food and light beverages. The food is totally delicious ; shrimp grill with butter potato surround with olive oil. "Here these the files. Please send me an honor to have cooperation with him. So ... do you like the food" asked him. Aida took the files and put it on her lap. "Awesome". "Nice, so … talking about you, what your husband do ?”. “He is a dentist”, “Amazing, do you often to come here?”. She smiled “It’s my favorite place, and right now we sit on my favorite table Sir”

.

“I can’t come with you to your house, I have many things to do. You can go by your own. Take taxi with you, here the money”. “But you promised to drive me go there” she talked to Kieran. “And I have told you again and again why you don’t take driver lesson” It is enough, “Okay it’s fine I can go by myself”. Is not about the car, is not about he not come but is all about the way he talked.

.

Next day.

She received a small present on her desk. “Mr. Albright, do you want me to wrap this to you” Aida called to her manager by phone “No, it’s not for me, but it’s for you”. “From whom ?” she asked confusedly “From Mr Finn. He said, he felt thank for the meeting and especially the dinner”. Slowly she opened the the box, directly she saw beautiful bracelet with small diamond on the center.

.

Mail by mail she and Finn were connected, started from thank you greeting for the present and more informal mails just to share the lively story. It’s the first time Aida feels have friend beside Kieran, all this time she just think his friend is her husband for one package. But more she realized that she could find someone to share freely without any compromise.

.

One day her father called again, he needs some money to pay tuition her brother. The project of her father not goal yet. Her father already retired, with some friend he work as project supplier but the money sometimes not good enough to pay tuition her two brothers who still in college. On the other side her husband wants his money back immediately. She totally confused, she has nothing. Even she can’t reach 5 million on her saving. Not once she think to ask money from her husband, is better to lend to bank or other friend. The one precious thing she only has is the diamond bracelet which Finn gave him. She opened her drawer and took it. “I’m sorry, but I have to sell it”

.

September 2010.

“Here this the money which my father borrowed. Sorry to take it long” She wrote again “I feel sorry to you why you had changed a lot. You never said that harsh to me even to my father before. Once you ask apologize I really can accept and respect for what you did. But more and more I just feel you are not love me as Aida as before. I’m your wife, same like you I need you to appreciate and respect for all I did to you. You had said that you wont any family member involved with us, but I can’t Kieran. My family is everything for me. I love them more than I love my self. I can’t let my family live in lack. If I should choose I better to choose my family. Our marry is nothing if we can’t respect our parents together.

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November 2010.

This divorce left pain in my heart, hard to believe her husband asked this divorce and how come she faced this path alone. She waited on the airport about 30 minutes on arrival alley. Her heart raced as long with her pulse. After few months after their first met, she couldn’t imagine how he looked alike. As she saw a tall man with warm smile came over her, she just hug him let all people surrounding them watched. They might be thought they were long distance couple, but they were not. Finn was someone who had been with her when she facing hard time. “I lost my husband and last week I lost my dad, he just said that he can’t let my mother wait that long anymore above there”. They walked slowly “I read your mail, I understand. Don’t you know that you never alone”.

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Finn smiled “I want give you an offer”, “What kind an offer Finn ?”, “Tonight, have a dinner with me, lets we start our met like our first date”. Her tears were running “I found someone when I was down, and it was you Finn” she said what he kept since long. “Thank you to come to my dinner invitation that night”. Finn hug her slowly, deep in his heart he want to be with her as long as they could.

New Face

Well, quite long i don't change my blog looking. So here it is ... no header anymore but full picture of my lovely one animal 'bear'. More simple, warmth and lovely. Hope it will be nutrition my blogging spirit.

Ultrasonography - USG Pregnancy

it was my first baby when captured in 6 weeks

The mole looked clear, it was amazing creature when a human started from blood

How small but i knew there was a live in there

Next two days, after blooding accident the untrasonography showed the small mole already gone

Good Bye My Litle Baby

I just lost my baby this morning when the age was 6 weeks old. At first time, i didn't realize my stomach was in pain. I thought it just usual pain in few hours later i saw blood on my panties, i panicked, trembled and confused. What was it ? was i on my menstruation period ? was something wrong in my stomach ? In hurry me and my husband went to Asih Hospital to check it. I still trembled, what happened ? i've got infusion, i felt down, afraid and more i just accepted what would happened.

My husband always hold my hand said that everything just fine don't worry about anything. In my heart i knew that i would lost my baby something whispered in my ears and thought. I think it was a mother instinct.

We stayed at hospital for one night, sometimes i woke up to see my surrounding and looked my husband, i felt sorry to my baby because i couldn't keep it safely. I didn't regret anything but made good lesson to be more carefully next  day. I waited the morning to come when the time would told me what exactly happened to my baby.

Next morning, i met my doctor, Amru Harahap, he did diagnose observation to my stomach. Something tools entered to my vagina to see how the baby condition. On screen, i couldn't saw little mole in my ovarium anymore. The baby no longer exist. The baby just gone already passed to heaven exactly when i was in bleeding condition yesterday afternoon. It happened because i was too tired, ya ... i realized i did the same activity as like as i wasn't pregnant. Good bye my baby, even your ages only 6 weeks and the gender not recognized yet, i already put my heart and soul in you. I'm sure God already set another beautiful plans for me and my husband. Mommy loves you and misses you. 

whether

Meet Again After 10 Years Or More

I can say, it is unbelievable. Suddenly i received an email mid on night from my 1st boyfriend when i was in junior high school. The 1st time i just know how date looks alike. He wrote that he wondered how i am 'cuz he lost my track almost 10 years and more could be. At first time, i didn't realize it is him, but when i saw his full name i was sure that it was him. I felt surprised because of it. Next and more days after that we sent and replied few emails until he asked my number and so did i. The most shock was, last night he called me (he currently in new york) just to tell me that it was his number. I surprised, trembled, laughed and relieved because even we had separate for 10 years and more we still have chance to make a good relationship.

For you, the one who lives there, the person whom i know so spontaneous i want to say thank you to find me, no matter what we had been passed that time, how much i cried because you left me that time, how much pain i kept to move on, but you just make it nice in the end.

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Ryza's Forecast for today : "There are many ways to find surprising moments and sometimes it happens not from close surrounding but can come from unpredictable things".

igoogle

Directly posted from google, it is cool. Just go here and setting your own homepage. You can choose your chosen theme and gadgets. What most fab for me is, recent updates for twitter and blogger. So, why don't you try ?

Cecilia Ahern E-book

Hellouw...,

I know i am very late to read P.S I love You Novel. I have seen the movie uhm ... not too exciting. But ..., on my last birthday on February, my ass.man gave me that novel for a gift. When i read the 1st chapter i felt overwhelmed-excited. The novel seems nicer than the movie :). Cecilia Ahern is a fresh written, i like the way she describes word by word.

So..., the good news is ... i have some e-book from Cecilia Ahern. Just hit in and save it. See..., how nice i am ?.

Have a holly reading.

1. If you could see me now
2. Love, Rosie - Where rainbows end
3. Thanks for the memories

Hindu Day of Silence

The Balinese welcomed Saka New Year which is called a Hindu day of silence well known with Nyepi. The meaning of Nyepi is a day with full of silence and reflect upon their selves. In that day, the Balinese have to stay at home, do meditation, read religion books, and pray. In their homes they are not allow to turn on electricity and fire even hinder to talk to another that could lessen the meaning of Nyepi. In holly of Nyepi day, Hinduism do fasting which start before the sun rises until the sun sets.
A day before Nyepi, Hinduism who are spread all over Indonesia especially Jakarta held parade tradition ceremony ‘Ogoh-Ogoh’. Ogoh-ogah is a creature like a giant doll symbolized evil spirit that can disturb Hindu people to celebrate Saka New Year.

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A Balinese man waiting sun sets

Ogoh-Ogoh parade in Denpasar, Bali

Ogoh-Ogoh parade in Jakarta