April Snow

It is an old movie which issued in 2005 starred with Bae Yon Jon and Son Ye Jin. At 1st time i watched this movie, i could feel the emotion, weariness, and loneliness. They trapped into forbidden love and continued to deepest love.

Is it an affair when we meet someone who has same attitude, sorrow, neglected and loneliness on the other side we have someone beloved ? well ... the movie tells all. Everytime i watch this movie, seems i drawn into the plot. I can say, this movie is talkless but how Bae Yon Jon and Son Ye Jin play their role, intimate, and emotion can replace it. I really really really ... love this movie.

Through this movie, love came to a man and a woman in a special situation of accident and extramarital affairs, conflict of extreme feelings by the dangerous and forbidden love then understanding after its reconciliation.

This is suggested link to watch : http://www.mysoju.com/april-snow/

A Star For You

I live in different world from him. I become someone who invisible by eyes. He can’t touch me, he can’t hear me even … he can’t see me whenever I am beside him. All night, I see him suffer in sadness because of me. I try to explain to him that I am okay above here, that I feel free to live in huge space here and I never go far from him whatever and whenever he remembers me. But, it is not my capacity to do that, I am not able to do that because our world already different.
“Just forget her Edward, she already gone !”
He smiles to his close friend, Eric, “I try to forget her. The more I try to pull off her presence harder for me to do that”.
“What can I do for you man ?” asked Eric. Edward shakes his head “Just be with me as usual, that’s friend is for”
*****
I fly to him, watch him gently. Whenever he reminds me, I just come to fly next to him. I see him lie on his bed in silent. I can see how suffer he is. I remember, one day he had told me that he couldn’t stand to live without me, I thought he just teased me, only was sweet words for me. But now, I am seeing him in sadness and loneliness because of me.
“Edward, I am here” I said. “Can you feel me ?”. I nod down, he never feel that I am beside him. “I feel glad you keep your words that you will take care yourself, you must be strong. I know you will”. I try to touch his hand, yes, I can touch him but all I see my hand only a transparent light for him.
*****
“Hi Edward, it is too nice that you come to my party”, one girl who name Norin greets him.
“Uhm, yes. Happy birthday” Edward shakes her hand. At once Norin smiles to him. She likes Edward too much.
“Well, thank you. So, what is present for me ?”. A present ? don’t ask that. Edward comes to her party it just present for her, he never give present to other girl beside Vivian, his girlfriend.
“Uhm … I don’t bring any. Next time okay” Edward said. Next time will be the thousand next time for him, because he is not serious to say that. He just acts to be friendly person tonight.
“Oh, okay. Next time will be fine for me. I will come to other guests, have enjoy the party Edward” Norin walks away.
Edward looks for Eric. He had promised to him that he would come tonight also. But no one in this place looks like Eric.
“Are you going ?” asked Edward by phone
“I am on my way … home I mean” answered Eric
“Look, what is your plan ask me to come to her party while you had promised me to meet here then suddenly you said … you are on your way … home ?”
“Sorry, man. I had promised to Norin that you would come. At before I wanted to come, but seems I couldn’t cancel my meeting today. Then … if you ask me to come there, sorry man … I am too tired”
“You are one in million. You just tricked me” Edward walks to go out
“Edward will you listen to me?”
“What things that I have listen to you, Eric ?”
“Enjoy the party, at least be a good man for her birthday just once”
“But I am not enjoying here. What suppose I have to be a good person for Norin even on her birthday. Am I her boyfriend or somewhat?”
“You can be if you want” laughed Eric
“And I tell you, there is no funny right now. I am going okay, with or without your allow”
“Come on … what is bother you ?”
“No one is bother me, but it is not the way you have to do with me Eric”
“I do this because I want you to know about her. She is a good girl for you. I just want to see you start your life”
“And now … who has to be concerned ? I have life and so do you. If you say I have no life so, how I still here until now. I don’t need Norin to make my life”
“If you don’t need Norin or other girl, so what you need for ? Vivian ? Edward, hear me carefully … she has gone. She already died !”
*****
I fly next to him. Lie beside him. I see his tears but I can’t hear he cries.
“I miss you Vivian, really miss you” Edward said
“I miss you too. Too much” replied me, but he can’t hear it
“I move my life like you had told me, but I can’t let anyone replace you, is it wrong ?”
“Is good you move your life, I had seen all. No one can replace me, and it is not wrong” he still can’t hear me.
“Then, why people around seems force me to forget you ? how come I do that ?”
I hug him even he can’t feel it “You don’t have to forget me, you can keep me as your memory. People do that because you deserve to have good and happy life”
*****
I died because flight accident. That time I went home from duty trip from other city. In that plane, there was someone waited me in arrival alley. To pick me. Edward. He said he wanted took me for dinner in skyline which placed above the building. So we could see stars around us. I never knew, that night he would ask me to marry. And he never knew that night I would say something that he never heard from me, that I love him.
“I am sorry man, I didn’t mean to do that suck with you. Became match maker” Eric said
“I know, don’t feel sorry okay. I am fine”
“I am too worry about you. A year passed, but you still can’t forget her. I want my old friend back. I want you take back as before Vivian died, as before you met her, as before …” Edward interrupts Eric
“I still same, I just need time to set up all things first. I feel thank you still here as my good friend. I owe you much”
“Is it good decision that you will leave your job and move to other town ?”
“I hope so. I take my saving to buy small land and think to be a grape farmer. It is my time to prove my knowledge in agriculture as my major. Just wish me good okay”
They hug, “I will, send your mail okay. Don’t let me die because of worry” Eric laughs
“Sure, I will let your inbox full of mine” Edward laughs “Take care !”
“Take care !”
“Uhm … there is something I want you to know” Edward said
“What ?”
“I just need time for my own. When I am ready, I am sure God will send me another girl for me”
*****
It is hard time for Edward to start his new life, become a grape farmer. He hires two persons to help him. Start from cultivate the land, put the seed, watering and harvest time.
He learns bit by bit. The first harvest is worked. They sell their fruits to market and gain good profit. After that, he buys more land for his field. He becomes a grape farmer, a vineyard man.
I sit beside him as usual. We sit in small tent above the field. There are many stars above us.
“It is quite same stars that I want to show you that time. Polaris”
“Polaris, what is that ?” asked me even he can’t hear me
“North star. When you get lost just see this star. Polaris always the lightest star from among stars”
I smile to him even he can’t see me. Seems he knows that I need explanation about that
“From the tale that I read, Polaris will wish your hope. That’s why I am here … in this grape field. From this above I can see Polaris whenever I want. It remains me to you”
*****
I have no much power to reach that place, seems still far from my sight. But I have to try to keep fly as high and as far as I can. To the Polaris.
“How dare you come here” I hear a sound but can’t interfere is it woman or man
“I dare to do everything as long as I can reach to Polaris” said me
“It is cut your border”
“I know … just let me reach that Polaris, I have one wish”
“Do you think you are still human who have wish ?” the sound is getting deeper
“I do, because I want to fulfill human wish. He never tell me his wish but I know what wish whenever he sees Polaris”
“Try to trick me young girl ?” the sound get anger
“I am not. No matter how you not allow me to get there, but I will through that. Just take few steps to go there”
“Are you dare ?”
“What for I am afraid ? I already died, I have to be in hell first before come to heaven that is the rule. No matter how loss my power to go there but I still have to go there”
“Why ?”
“Because I want to fulfill his wish !”
Suddenly, I feel my body throw to deepest hole, black and cold. Too cold as my creature, I become an ice. I throw deeper and deeper, change into hot degree that can melt my meat and bones at once crack.
“A star light is from the sun, the more heat the sun the more light the star is” the same sound pounder from my back
“Is fine, I can stand it” I feel melt like an ice in summer which change because global warming.
“What is his wish ?”
“So, you are the Polaris, the north star ?”
I see the huge shape front of me, light too light.
“What is his wish ?” the sound asked to reply
“My beautiful light Polaris. It might happen once for me. He had wished to see me, to touch me, to hear me and too feel me”
“So dare his wish, Not allow … !”
“We are two part just separate because of time and dimension. You have thw sun to give you light, but him ? he needs something to lighten his life again”
I feel my body throw deeper from my last step, I can’t see the light again. All I see just hole, black hole
“Once and never reply”
*****
It is the second harvest time for two year. Its mean, he had been here for two years. Work day and night to his field. Always wake up when rain come, cover all the seeds from rain. Even had to make him in mud.
The night harvest always makes happiness not only for him but also for his workers, because they will see their treasure.
“Polaris again” Edward said gently
“Have a wish ?” asked me
Suddenly he move his head to my sound, he can hear me. I hold my throat keep not to scream.
“I have, is that you Vivian ?” he stick his hands around him try to search where am I stand
“Yes, is me” I touch his cheek so warm, not alike my hand which so cold
“That cold, is it your hand ?” I feel his tears around my fingers
“Yes, it is”
“What take it so long to appear like this ? I wait this moment quite long”
“I know. In that long I always beside you” I caress his face, so warm
“I always remind you, you fill my heart” I see him smile
“I know. Close your eyes, try to see me how I look tonight?” I touch his eyes. He closes his eyes, with his memories about me that will be my look tonight.
“I am here” I whisper t his ear, he opens his eyes slowly and sees me
“Stunning, you are like my Vivian” he touches my hands my cold hands, he caresses my face my cold face. “I miss you too much, do you know that ?”
I nod once, “I know, that’s why I go to Polaris to make your wish come true”
“Do you ?” asked Edward. I nod again
“I have something to tell you” I smiled. He touch my lips my cold lips. “You are good Edward. Doing all of this. Keep moving and still moving”
“I do this because of you” he kisses me gently to my lips my cold lips “You make me through all of this. Take me with you Vivian, please take me”
“I won’t … I won’t take you. There are many things you still do here” I smile to him “Is not my aim to take you when you can as close as to me like this”
“I will lost” he said shortly
“You won’t. Whenever Polaris still there you won’t lost” I feel my body change slowly. Change into transparent dimension.
“Don’t … “ he holds my hands tightly
“I am sorry, seems my time is close. Edward, you have to keep moving. I become your memory but future is spread widely front of you”
I can feel he still holds my hands but I see my hands are blurring into transparent dimension. She can see my face, touch it softly to my cold face. “I love you Edward” I smile to him until my face fade away and go by change into transparent. He can’t see me again, he can’t touch me again, he can’t hear me again but I am sure he can feel me.
“I know, even that late you said love to me but I had already known Vivian”
“It is nice” I said even he can’t hear me again
“I can feel you from now on”
“Wow … it is nice” I feel my body pull so hard, there is light spread around the grape field. Pull me harder to the sky. Something takes me to the top. I become a bullet who has light over the surface, as yellow as the sun.
“And I can see you as a star” Edward closes his eyes, feels my presence as different creatures.

Ryza Febriasty

My Morning Snack and Kastengel Cookies

So lovely day, today is my holiday. Easter Holiday.

I woke up about 7 am, took bath then started to make morning snack and cookies. I thought 'risoles' would be good option for morning snack.

The ingredients which needed for making risoles :

risoles crust ;

- Low fiber flour = 250 gram

- Butter = 1 full spoon

- Salt = half spoon

- Milk Powder = 1 full spoon

- Water = as enough needed

mix all the ingredients until easy to fry mixture spread into a pan one by one until the dough is finished

risoles filling

- carrot = 200 gram

- potatoes = 200 gram

cut carrot and potatoes to small pieces

- pestle red onion and garlic with white pepper

Saute' the onion, pour the chicken water stock and the vegetable for about 15 minutes.

Take one pan dough, put the filling and fold.

Then fry it with cooking oil

After made risoles, i continue to make cheese cookies which is called 'Kastengel' for an order. For making Kastengel needed : Edam cheese, low fiber flour, butter, egg yolk, and milk powder. Mixed them and baked for about 30 minutes.

Learn From Fairy Tale Disney Princess

For me, Fairy tale is never ended because it is a secret side in life which can't touch logically but always brings thought and inspiration to learn. I am part from some people of million people who has high imagination in real life.

.

Make a wish ...
And if you are true, your wish will soon come back to you

So ...

Make a wish

And may your heart will find one true love

Who will never depart

*****

Once there was fair princess

She had pretty smile and loved to frolic among flowers

And dance with her fluffy animal friends

She loved to sing with them

While she twirled round and round in her dancing gown

*****

Watch me dance, watch me twirl

There is a princess in every girl

Make it sparkle, make it shine

Make the magic all mine

One day, i will ride a big a white horse

Wear gown and crown, of course

*****

I close my eyes, I see shine light

I open my eyes, I see fascinating creature

I smile gently, I see a beauty

I turn around, I see magnificent gestures

There is a mirror in front of me

That shine light, fascinating creature, beauty and magnificent gestures

Are resemble me

Because, I am the princess on my own

created by Ryza

.

Aurora, The Sleeping Beauty.

She is very romantic, gentle, thoughtful, loving and graceful. Besides that she loves to sing to her friends, the animals.

.
Ariel, The Princess Of The Ocean (Little Mermaid)

Headstrong Ariel means to follow the rules, but rarely succeeds. She is hard to understand and is forever trying to make her friends. She is bit naive beside that she is confident and curious.

.
Snow White, a princess with noble birth.
She is sweet, graceful and naive. With her pure and lovable heart he can beat bad person and become a winner.
.

Cinderella, The Glass Shoes Princess.
She is based around with everybody. Cinderella has positive thinking and hard worker. Altough gentle and soft-spoken but she has a keen an intelligent sense of humour. Her heart is true dignity, dispite on her hard moment she still able to sing and hold on believe that her dreams will come true.
.

Belle, The Beauty from Beauty and The Beast.
Belle is an adventurous dreamer. She looks lovely, natural, intelligent because she likes to read. Belle is a loyal person and loving daughter. With her inner strength and outward beauty she is a young woman who can and does everything happen.

.

Original own mini collection creature,

lovely gift from my close friend yogi

Source from www.disney.co.uk

You Are My Angel

I am a lonely person in this wide big world. I am less to talk among billion people in this planet. I am a loner in many crowded places. The point is, I like to live alone.
But, everything is changed after I met her. She was such an angel for me. At least for me only, even I know she can be an angel for others also. As I know in short of, she was a different girl from the most girls who I ever met.

#####

“Hi …, can I join with you ?”
It is not a first time a girl asks same question to me. Usually I just smile to them and remain silent until I finish my meal. But, this one … seems forces me to be a different person in a minute.
“Sure”
“I don’t like to eat alone” she smiled gently to me. I reply her smile at once. Truly, I don’t like to be friendly to a stranger like this.
I glance to her meal. She must be a goat I think. How come she eat all those vegetables without meat at all ?. I look to my plate, there are two slices of meat, least peas, carrot and corn which mix into one and a portion fried rice.
“It can kill you bit by bit if you used to eat kind of food”
I stop eating and see to her face. “Do you mean, my food ?” asked me
“Yes” answered her shortly
“Is it your business then ?”
“No. I just tell you what I know. Here, take this … you need more vegetables than me” She put some green things on my plate.“It is spinach which cooks with garlic and pepper. The taste nice”
“Oh, you are not a polite girl. You put something on my plate without my permission”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean like that”
“Enough, you just take my appetite in a second”
It was our first met. That time I stopped by to food stall while I was driving home.

#####

I never know this place before, but my friend told me that it was a good place to enjoy summer holiday. So I go to this place because my friend told me that. I suppose to come with him, but a day before he cancelled to come with me. Her mother asked him to accompany her to meet her sister who live in another city, she just have new baby.
So, here I am now. Driving alone until I reach the place which my friend guides me from his map and least notes in it. Well, is not a big deal for me. Having alone summer holiday like this. Meanwhile, I like to being alone.
I have passed 2 hours in driving. I decide to stop by to have lunch and rest in rest area. I order chicken noodle and ice lemon tea for my lunch. I see green things on top of the noodle. Whenever I put over that green things, a face of that girl come and fade away in mind. I smile suddenly.
“Hmmh … you are not different at all”, there was a voice behind me. I turn my body and I feel my heart stop pumping. It is her again.
“Are you talking with me ?” asked me
“Sure. Who else beside you in this place ?”
“Can I join with you ?”
“Oh no … it is enough to share my table with you that time. Right now, I prefer to eat alone”
I see her walk and seat to a table cross over me. Oh … why she has to seat there. She is still in my sight. She can take my appetite again. No matter how annoying she is, I have to finish my lunch in hurry.
I pay the bill and ready to continue on road. From this map, it will take about an hour to go to reach there. “Can I come with you” suddenly that girl show up. She stands with a small handy bag on her left shoulder and medium travel bag in her right hand.
“Just leave me okay”
“Please … can I come with you ?”
“Where do you think I will go ?”
“I don’t know, I just want to come”
“How if I am a bad guy, do you still want to come with me ?” I laughed with showing my front teeth. I just want to put her away from my sight. “Can you stop to bother me please ?”
“You are not a bad guy, I know from the first time saw you. I will not bother you. Look at this … “ she showed me her purse. “I have enough credit card, ATM and money in it”
I shake my head “Excuse me Miss. I go for Holiday, and I won't you appear suddenly and ruin everything” I close my car door and turn on the engine.
“Can I come with you please ?” suddenly she stands front of my car with pity face. I shock for her action. I don’t know why God so mad at me this time until send this girl to me. I look her clearly, she has a long hair until her waist. Deep brown and shiny that tie neatly. Her skin as white as milk and might be soft from the look her hands. I open my car door and stand beside my car.”Look, where is your destination ?”
“Not far from here ? so, its mean you would give me a ride ?”
“okay, not far from here. I do this because you are girl, if you were a man, I wouldn’t do this ?”
In a moment she seats behind me and gets to sleep
“Hey … hey … wake up. What name of your place ?” I said loudly to wake her up
I feel scared about this, how if she is runaway from her home, how if she is runaway after do something criminal, or how if she is crazy and somewhat of this.
“I have no place as my destination”
“What ….!” I stop my car. Seems like I ready to angry toward her. “You said, not far … which far is not far ?. You just give me heart attack”
“Where is your destination ?” asked her
“Where I want to go it is really not your point. Okay, I will take you to near police station. You should be runaway for your home right ? or you should be did something really … really wrong” I turn on the engine and turn back, as I remember few kilometers from rest area I see a police station.
“No … don’t … please” she hold my hand. It is the first time I see a girl cry front of me. “I am not do something wrong and I am not run away from home. Please. We meet again in that rest area it seems my destiny to meet you again”
“So, should I believe for all you said before ?”
“I don’t ask you to believe. You said you came here for holiday, can I come with you ? after that, I promise I will not bother you anymore”
“It is silly”
“It is not. I am Alice” she stick her hand out toward me “It really nice if you take me, I am a cheerful person and hope you enjoy being my friend”

#####

What my friend shows about the place is a village. I open his notes over and over to make sure. I call him also. And it is, the place he told me.
We had booked two room for me and my friend, because he can’t come that room will be belong to her, Alice, at least that is her name the way she told me.
I take my laptop and start to write. I am a college student but I have part time job as a writer. I always use camouflage name for all my written. I don’t like people recognize me. In writing field I used to be called Ghost Writer just because I avoid and never show up to any media. I let the reader sink with their curiosity about me.
A porter said to me, tonight would held festival in beach. I don’t like beach much, I can count how many I go to beach entire life. But, because it is my holiday and I am quite far from city I will consider to go to the beach.
When I write, I will let my mind and my hands tie into one soul. It brings sun turns from day into night. I take bath, change clothes and ready to go to festival.
I have to wait a medium wooden boat to take me to main hotel. The rooms of this hotel are spread into one area which divides by a artificial river. Along the side of ride there are many torches light on. This place wants to bring natural look in modern city nowdays.
A wooden boat come, I seat behind the person who row a boat. He stops to another room and I feel surprise because Alice will be on same boat with me. “Hi … it is nice to see you again” she smiled and talked along until we reach to main hotel. I leave my room key to receptionist and so do her. “Are you plan to go tonight ?” she asked. I don’t answer any for what she asking. “I will go to beach, are you come there also ?”
Oh God … why this person always around me ? can I have peace moment here ?
I turn my body to take my room key again, she just take my passion to go to beach festival. “Hey … am I bother you ?” she ran over me. “What do you think ?” I said. “Okay, just go. Let me stay here” she waved her hand and walked to receptionist to take her key then her shadow disappeared slowly. “Nice …” I smiled and went to the beach to see festival beach.
The festival is too crowded, there are many people loud music. Many people wear custom and dance alongside the beach. I just can stand in 30 minutes after that I return to my hotel. While I sit on wooden boat I see her sit alone in her terrace room. I feel guilty to her. It supposed her to go to festival beach than me. In mind I want to say sorry to her tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow morning, after bath and dress I go to her room to say sorry, I have been so rude for her since beginning. “Good morning” she smiled. “Good morning” I saw her in pale face and make her skin more white. “Uhm … I just want to say sorry for … last night … uhm …, I mean, since first time I think I become so rude to you” it could be the first time for me to say sorry to a girl.
“Is okay” she smiled again. “So, have any plan for today ?” asked me. She shakes her head once “No, I want to take rest”. Ya, I can see her skin is so pale today but I don’t ask anything again. She just close her door

#####

Almost two days I never had seen her. I walk along the beach, after the festival beach I never missed to see sun set. Meanwhile for me, to see this amazing time quite hard when I return home later. I sit after find my favorite place to see sun set.
“Is it beautiful right ?” someone sit behind me, “Yes, it is” answered me. She is Alice. “God is giant in this world, you know that ?” she said. I nod. “And we are human just toy things for God” I looked at her, her face is not pale anymore. “Do you like to see that sun set when you in this hotel ?” asked me. She shakes her head at once “No, it is first time. And lucky me, I find you again” she smiled.
“Oh we always meet in unexpected condition” I laughed, it could be the first time I laughed that freely to a girl. “You have girl friend?” asked her. I smile not because her question but because her brave ask that to me “No, is it a rule that man should has a woman in his life ?”.
“No, is not a rule but it is a fate” she smiled to me. When the sun shines orange shines to her, I can see that color in her cheek. I can’t believe I just see a beauty. It is not first time for me to see beautiful women but it will be first time for me to see beauty that can’t describe with words. “Why are you staring me like that ?” asked her then smiled. “No, is fine” I lied, off course I have to lie I don’t want became a foolish.
“So, do you have boyfriend ?” asked me. “What a question is that ? “she stared my eyes. “Just question as like as you ask me” once again I see a smile that I never had seen before. Smile to relieve and to be free. “Few times …, but for now … I haven’t” I laughed to hear that. We stay there until dinner come. Talk everything, world, nature, faith, God until small things like stone which turn into sand. She believe about alien, ghost, monster, even angel and me, I prefer to believe un-fiction things, technology, gadget and invention. We are different creatures but this is the first time for me to talk that long with a girl.
We meet again in dinner time, we agree to have dinner. I really don’t know is it dinner date or what ?. It is not first time for me to have dinner with a girl but it will be first time for me to have a dinner with a girl like her. I wait her on my seat. I must be crazy because of this. What am doing right now ? my intention to come here is for holiday and catch much inspiration for my writing. But, I met her first who put her meal on my plate without my permission, second met her at rest area who beg to me to come with me and third here I am with her.
She come with white gown, she is fascinating woman as I see that time. “I offer all this because I think you like this kind of food” I teased her. “I am, if I don’t eat those vegetable it will bring to my death sooner” she smiled and nod her head down. “Do you think after this holiday end, we can meet again ?” asked me. “ What do you think, do you want to meet me again ?”
“If you want, I want to meet you again” I just looked at her. Seems It will be last night I see her that close. I am too afraid to forget how she look, her face, her hair, her skin, her smile, and I am too afraid to forget her as Alice. “You believe an angel ?” asked her “No, what should I believe an angel ?”.
“One person has one angel. It is a gift from God to us” she said deeply. “So do you think you have an angel ?” asked me. She nod “Yes, I have. When I was kid I have a dog pet his name is Dotty. Because he was Dalmatian, he had dots all over his body. He was died when he saved me from a car which almost hit me after I was going from school”
I want to laugh, how come a dog can be an angel for human. But for this time, I leave my arrogance side. “As an angel, what he had done for you ?” asked me “He always guards me”. I Just don’t get it how come mature girl like her still believe that tale.
We start to talk many things. When I am with her, everything looks easy. Or might be she brings a warm for me. “It is my favorite piano song, have you ever heard this one ?”. I really seldom hear piano solo song list “No, what is this ?”. “It is December, played and arranged by George Winston, from December Album, the title is Thanksgiving”. Truly, i am impressed about her knowledge in this kind of song. “Come with me”. She walks slowly into ballroom hotel and talked to a piano player. What i am thinking right now, will not wrong. “Will you dance with me ?” see ... she always reads my mind. “I never dance in this kind of rhythm” i show beg face to her. “Nice, it could be a first you”. She takes my hands slowly “Just follow my signs and everything will be fine” said her with smile.
She stands close to my chest and i hope she can’t hear my heart beat too fast. Because i am nervous and i am feeling shy many eyes are seeing us right now. She lie her face on my shoulder “This song is a last song which accompany me to dance with my dad” she whispered to my ear. “Why should be last song ?”. “My dad just passed away a month ago”. I hold her more tight than before and let her cry in her memories on my shoulder. “It is really first time i dance with this song again” her voice more slowly than before, i can’t see her smile again but i try to smile to her “And it is my first time to dance like this” i can hear her laugh, and it is enough to see her smile.
I know it must be hurry for us, we just a week to know each other. From an unexpected condition until we make this into purpose condition. I want to try to love her, i hope she will try the same way.
This morning i come to her room, i see two people come and go from her room. That room should be cleaned, so i will wait her in main hotel to have breakfast together like we promised last night, to meet again at breakfast.
I leave my key to a receptionist because after breakfast we will go to some places “Sir, there is a message for you” a young receptionist gave me a letter in white envelope. It should be from agency because i told them that i stayed here for a a week. It could be invitation to discuss about my writing project. I take that envelope with me. I sit at same place where i have dinner with Alice last night. I wonder why there is no address even name on the envelope, is it deliver by a currier or somewhat ?. I tear the envelope.

.
“It was beautiful night with you. I am so thankful and grateful when i find you, especially when i meet you and have chances to know you more. I will memorize our dance as like as i memorize my last dance with my dad. I Had found an angel since long, i hope you will find your angel also.
Alice”

.
At first time i know, how hurt my heart is. I just loose someone that i am looking since long.
A year passed by, since that i became a different person especially in writing. Slowly i let world see me, i am not hide anymore. For one purpose only, whenever she sees or hears anything about me i hope she will come to me.

#####

I had graduated for my collage, i become an architect. My last public project was luxury apartment in main city. After that, i open medium company with my two close friends. Whenever i remind to Alice i will hear Geroge Winston-Thanksgiving, if it is not help i will go to the beach where we talked lot of things for first time. I miss her, want to feel her in my hold again, want to see her smile, and want to see her laugh again.
One day, i see the advertisement about ballet concert which compilation with George Winston. I buy one VIP ticket tonight. I want to see George Winston closer. It is started with a ballerina group from Asia, continue to Europe group. It is the first time i see a concert like this. In closing session George Winston will play one song from December Album. I ask by myself, which song he will play. When he starts to the first note, i just know he will play thanksgiving. I smile relieve.
I see a beautiful woman come from the alley and dance around the piano. She wears white from top to toe. Seems like a real angel for the first time. At the moment, i know it is Alice. I am freezing. Looking her in elastic movement and gestures. She can be an angel if she wants that time. I feel my tears running down see her, how deep i miss her.
After the concert, i go to stage back just to meet her, but once again I loss her. But i never give up. I look much information about the concert. Until i find everything about her. She is not Alice, it is not her name. But her name is Angel.
Should i come to meet her ? i have her address studio. How if she goes just because in purpose ?. How foolish i am just appear suddenly and say to her that i miss her and i love her since first time we dance in hotel ballroom.
Tonight i decide to go her studio, at least it is not private place because it offers course ballet also. I wonder and ask myself, if we leave in some city why God not let us to meet each other. Even in garden, mall, restaurant, groceries store and somewhere. Why God should make like this. I enter to the studio. I see some pictures hang over the wall. All about ballet solo competition, why i never know that Alice or Angel is a famous ballerina ? where my knowledge gone that far that night when i danced with her ?
“We are almost close sir, you can come next morning right at 9 am”.
I turn my body and see her as real creature not as fiction who always come in my dream. “Can i come earlier than 9 am ?” i won’t let my sight off from her. I just want to stare everything she does, i am too afraid to lose her again.
“Why you want to come early ?” asked her
“Because i want to meet Angel before everyone sees her” i walk slowly close to her
I tie her right hand with my handkerchief to my left hand “Because i don’t want to see you disappear again” i hold her “don’t you see, i had tied your hand that tight”

#####

My feeling can’t be described in words. I spend day and night with her. I feel warm side of me just back. “I will take you to my workplace tomorrow” i smiled to her. “What for ?” asked her, “to show you a house that i make for our living” he smiled in redden face. I hug her “Tomorrow okay, just wait”.
Next morning, I go to her studio to pick her up. My heart bit faster when I see an ambulance front of her studio. I see Angel just lie when paramedics get her into an ambulance car. I grab to follow her in. “Are you still have family with Ms. Angel ?” one paramedics asked me, I nod. It is just a way to let me in to this car. I see her close eyes, but thankful she still breathes.
Almost two days she is still in crisis. Her eyes not open yet. I wonder why there is no family with her. Is she a orphanage ?. There is only one person who always waiting a like me. She must be not her mother because her face not resemble. “I am sorry, may I know who … “, she interrupted me “You can say me as the person who close with her since she was born”. I sit beside her and listen what she says.
“Her mother passed away after she born. Her mother has leukemia but forced to keep her even doctor said it would be dangerous for her. Ms. Angel lived as a lonely kid after her mother died. It made her father married again, at that time I could see how happy she was. Her step mother was a ballerina. Her step mother name was Alice. When Mrs. Alice had concert I remembered, that time Ms. Angel cried that loud ask her not to go. But concert already set up. Mrs. Alice went with her group then Ms. Angel went to his father”
She stops as I stop to breathe.
“I know why Ms. Angel asked her mother not to go. Because she had said to me, a night before concert she dreamed her mother died in car accident. I told her again and again that day I just was a dream. But it was not dream at all. The accident happened and Mrs. Alice died”
She cries but I can’t cry that time. I just feel my heart crush.
“Since that, Ms. Angel tried to be a good ballerina. And she did. She had concert start form Asia, continue to State then to Europe”
I smile when I remember that time when she asked me to have a ride and promised not will bother me because she has enough credit card, ATM and money in her purse. I just didn’t know that time, she was so sad and wanted to find place to forget all behind her.
“She became a tough person after Mrs. Alice died. But, after her father died he became weaker. She had said to me what for she lived after her father died also, she has nothing even she has no love in this big world”
I smiled again, she is just like me a person who has no love in this big world. But after I met her, I knew how love it was like.
“I suggested her to go to vacation a month after his father died. And she did. A week before she went, I found her faint in her bed. I took her here, in this hospital. We just knew he had leukemia also”
I stand from my seat and walk closer to the wall. It sounds like a bang for me. I remind how she liked to eat vegetable and how she said if she was not regularly eat that it just brought her died sooner. And how come I thought it just was a joke ?.
“She still went but she said that she didn’t any place to go. One day, she called me that she went to beautiful village with good man with her. That time she felt her condition weaker, after she called me. I went there to take her home”
That day, could be a last day they meet. Angel just left a letter for me, not in purpose to leave me but because she was totally sick.
After that day, she never go anywhere to far. And she decide to open course ballerina studio, because she knows, she is not able to dance anymore. Last week was a last concert for her. She tried hard to win to dance compile with George Winston. Because …”
“It was a last song which danced with her father. After her father died, she danced again in that song with me in ballroom hotel” I continued her words.
“Yes, she said to me also. She never said even told me who was that man. But I know that man is you at first I see you”
A doctor come out, tell to us that she allow to visit. I let that women enter first than me. After that I come to see her.
It is too good to see her smile again, even she cries. “Can you take me to the home you make for us. You had promised to me right ?. I had promised not disappear again so, it Is your turn” I lift her body to mine, hug her tightly “But promise me you will not go anywhere okay” I whispered to her ear. “I will not go anywhere”

#####

With doctor permission, two paramedics come with me and that woman also to a house that I make for us.
“Oh, look am I criminal look there too many person in here, can I have private moment please” she said to two paramedics and that women. I can’t believe in this condition she still can make a joke like that.
I hold her hand to look entire house. “It still empty space, because you are truly ballerina I will make this space for your studio” she hold my hand more tight and whispered “Thank you”.
“And this is my space for draw, it will be nice hear the song and see you dance when I work” she kissed my cheek.
“And this is my favorite spot. Room terrace. Because it is hard to find near beach in here, so I replace with mountain view from here. I hope you like this”
“I do, I can hear the sound of wind and birds also from here”
I nod, and sit to my favorite wooden seat. I lift her into my lap, she just lie on my holding like a baby born. “I love you” she stared my eyes deeply “I love you”. I caress her hair “I am sorry” my tears are felt on her face “Why are you crying ? I am here and not go anywhere” she smiled. “Yes, I know you. You will not go anywhere ?”
“If I close my eyes, I will see my two mothers wait me and my father show his hands to take me”
“So don’t close your eyes, just look at me. Am I not too handsome to see ?” I tried to make her laugh. But she just smile “You are perfect. I have two angels now”
I wipe my tears “Two ? that’s many. You said one person has one angel”.
“I just give the old one to the women who takes care me since baby, and the new one is you. I can see my Dotty Dog bark sign agree to my decision”
“So, don’t close your eyes, sometimes dog bark is too noisy, just stare at me” I hug her more close to me, close to my face.
“If I stare at you, I just see you cry” she said.
I hear two paramedics come and wait to the door next behind us. “Have you found your Angel ?” asked her.
“I have. Since I met a girl who asked me danced in ballroom hotel. You are my angel. Your name is resemble to your presence for me”
“That nice”, she stared at me and kissed me “I love you” she whispered to my ear. “I love you” i kissed her and whispered to her ear. I see she smiles once and closes her eyes.
I realized she just left me to the space that I couldn’t touch. She can leave far from me, but she can’t go too far from my heart. Because she is my angel who has to accompany me until I die and hope we can meet in heaven.

Ryza Febriasty