I am tired waiting you. Waiting for any email for any reply or news or whatever is. Waiting you is killing me. Sometimes i lost words to write in each mail. Lately i just write it simply and short. Somehow ... hard to sleep each night in missing you. Sometimes cry easily with no espression in waiting indeed missing you. Moreover i have to be used with it. With all the situations, times, differences and the others.
I want to give up, for last 10 years sometimes i want to give up. Teary, torn and restless. I want to step back. I dont know where all the feelings inside will bring to.

Today Feb 21, i am turning in 35. Many greetings and prays for me, many smiles, warm hug and love from friends. But i feel empty. At 12 am i just waiting an email from someone. But until i am writing this post i dont have any. My dream could forget, bussy, deny or unaware this 21 date. Well ... i have to be used with this. Well ... uhmmm ... no ... just fine.

what i dreamed last night too beautiful too be real. A small beautiful house which there was me and my dream inside, we were there, we lived there. So mucb love inside. I remembered just hold his hands. Staring his eyes like adoring him. Kissed him deep like there wont be tomorrow. We were made love in beautifully. I so clearly looked him in that dreamed. And i wake up, looked around and just cried. Why i loved him so mucb ? Somehow it left tears for me ... 10 years the feeling which same ... 10 years the dreamed which repeat again and again in sleeping.