It takes many years for me to be 'survival' stage as today. Do the routine days, take part to busy daily days, throw to baking for the orders, closer to Allah in praying and reading Alquran, then of course being totally mother for Khansa which consume my time mostly. I forgot when the last time I cry for him, maybe yesterday maybe two days a go or more. It is not an achievement but one step for me to survive. I am in path to relieve. My dream no longer with me. He may forget me, even deleting all the dots in his mind so ... I just say to myself : I already forgotten and away. When remind him ... I dont find my tears but as more as long empty sight. I realize I have been empty and cold. Yes, I am hurt but ... I can acceept it. What I know he has gone.