A Dismiss Note

4.23 am here and i just start to sleep after baked X-Mas cookies ordered. X-Mas just passed yesterday but hard to believe cookies ordered still on and on. I am a Moslem but i always like X-Mas. This dawn so nearly morning, i can hear adzan is calling all the Moslem to perform Subuh Prayer. About 30 minutes ago i had performed Tahajud as usual, i always find calmness in heart after all. 

This dawn feel so cold. I can hear the chicken are singing and the birds are tweeting. He, my dream, came in mind, after i found the note on my phone which title "Plan for December". Surely i remembered when i wrote that, when he said had planned to come this December. There were only 3 items on the notes. 1. The Hotel, 2. The Dinner, and 3. The Love. I stared and caressed the tears, slowly sent it to box icon which mean dismiss.

Remain The Sweet Words

4 am here and still wake up. This is my way, to free my mind from a person who i called 'My Dream'. I keep busy since midnight until dawn, just to free my mind. Kitchen is my escape. I learn how to make new recipe, puff, pastry until bakery just for free my mind. Because this time i always and used to talk with my dream until wait my dream finish the work out there. 

"What your heart says ? tell me, just both of us know it. Please tell me" this is your way to let myself that brave so ... much ... brave say love to you. "So please, please ... please say it. Don't hide it. You should say it every time to me" I so remember you always say so. Then now, yourself cant stand hear it from me.

"Please my dream, you make me used with your sweet words. You spoil me too much. I am afraid one day you can't be able to say that to me again" I said so. Then what you say " No, you wont loose them"

"I can call you 10 times even more each day" you said so. Then now what ... you had told me "Leave me alone rite now, please don't send any mail, any text, any call and don't do anything for me because i wont reply each of them" that words breaking me so deep. Too much deep ... so in pieces. Don't ever dare wonder how i feel ... because you never can. Don't ever dare to wonder how i cry ... because you never can. I feel like a trash ... dirty ... 

"My dream, you make me so spoil at you. You make me so depend on you so much. I wont be like that" I said so then what you said to me "That's good, because i want you in like that". Oh Ya Allah ... it gives me so much. 

"Don't ever think even try to leave me, or i will kill my self" You said so. Not once, not twice but many times at me. And now ... what just happen ?. 

If just i can let myself hate this person, but i never can. What i have for my dream is too much bigger than hate.