31 years Old

2.04 am and just performed Tahajaud. Tears were running down slowly while sent pray and wish for myself. Allah still gives me chance having birthday this year, for next years i really don't know. The first year i celebrate without him, my dream, besides me. Heart is pounding in slow, remain what i had many years' birthday with him. He always be the first person says and wishes "Happy Birthday". His eyes, his smiles and his face are coming in mind. I am writing here with all the feelings. Thank you for coming into my life, for yesterday, today and tomorrow. You always be. Khansa suddenly wake up and sit besides me, she is saying "Bunda ..." then lay her head on my lap. Closing my eyes, feeling the tears. The love, the heart and the memories we had.

The Moon, The Star and The Sun

4.04 am and still waiting the cookies are baking in the oven, as usual for the order. Currency rate lately became my concern, cookies which i made depend with import ingredients. I always using Wysjman Butter from Holland, Elle & Vire from France and Edam Cheese Gold Chicken Cock Brand From Holland. I love the smell cookies in the oven, the house always smell butter, cheese and vanilla. Actually, i love baking since kid. I always see my grandma making them and me always there help her. I start having order cookies and cakes since in the collage. I used not sleep for a day when the order are in waiting list. Having cookies and cakes store which being my own name becoming my wish since long. Maybe i have to make it true before i am no longer alive. I run with the time. I take baking course to help me to bake vary any model of cookies and cakes. 

Before, baking is only my hobby, but since last December 2013 it also became my escape. Since that time, whenever i think about him, my dream. I always go down stair to the kitchen and do baking. Cookies, cakes, pastry, bread and chocolate mold. I do trial and error, until i find rite one. And go along with time, i cant let it go from baking. It already my escape.

In fact, how busy my fingers and concern my mind to the instruction, my dream is never go from me. He always in me. Sometimes i smile when remain his joke and tease and sometimes drip tears when remain the broken times. How he be the moon, the star and the sun ? he always be in me whenever day and night. That's why he become the sun at day, the moon and the star at night. They rotate to earth as the center. Even the length time for each differ but at sky there always be moon, star and sun bright the earth.