I am becoming so pro. I should be an artist. The true i am when i face my self to the mirror. I smile to many poeple even laugh to someone who joke at me. But in fact deep inside i am not. I cry so much even getting too much for last 2 years until today. It happens after my dream leave me. Mirroring myself is reflection for who i am. I so remember, used to hide and cry under my study desk when I hear my parents fight. I hold my legs and pretend to deaf from their voices. So pathetic my life is. When my eyes starting to stare what inside just empty. What I know for myself today, I just empty on my own. I have no place to talk maybe that's why tears becoming the place. I lost the path, way and direction to go. I am breaking and hard to stand.

I still here and same person. Passed many months in suffered, but I just come back here. No one knows how I suffer and fight to still alive. No one knows how I through each day in emptiness and tears. I want hating you, my dream. So I can erase all your words, promises and hopes which you make for me. I risk everything to be with you and this what I get. I give you all I have and this what I take. Want to hate you so bad. You just came and go in my dreaming even in sleeping at end I wake up in tears. You wont ruin someon's life but you already ruin my life and breaking me as a shit. Once you come in mind, in minute tears falling down like a stupid. Maybe you are right, I am the best person. And you are not. And stupidly I never change. In fact I never leave you even in second. I deserve to be happy, dont I ? I dont know how to fix this hurt. And I know until end this life I never can to hate you. My dream ... you are not a person who I know so well in years anymore