Is so funny. I suddenly wake up. Dreamed of him, my dream. I dreamed about all my high school friends. We went to camp somewhere. Then found my dream there. We met there. Sat side by side. Laughed, told many stories. You gave me a beautiful bracelet. I said, I know this bracelet is from inside a girl cologne, but I dont use that. My dream said, yes you rite but I so much know your smell, so I threw the cologne and saved the bracelet for you. I remembered I smiled in shy. Really aslike teenage love birds. I wished my dream was here, beside me. I would wake him up and tell what I just dream. I must be crazy because I still love him.

let me write what are in mind rite now. Almost 4 years I fight with my DDimer. I got miscarriage on my first baby because DDimer. I through heparyn treatment until today because DDimer. Few times I lost conscious because DDimer which make the oxygen through the head and blood not flow in normal. And then ... I got blood cancer symptoms. Really, I am not deny anything. I accept everything which happen to me. I just want, really ... I wont make anyone getting hard because of me. Every pray I perform, I just ask I die so much easily. Tomorrow I will go to hospital for check up the operation result. Everything that happen make me cry easily, like i am doing this time.