'New Post on August 5, 2014'

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Blocked Caller

I received his called this morning, my dream. There was no number so i thought it was emergency call or somewhat. Heavy raining and always be on the kitchen. Just prepared for Khansa breakfast. I heard his voice. I talked short and long in turned. My voice felt stuck in my throat, holding to cry. What i just remained just his eyes stared me. As if it happened in real, he was in front me, i would be sure i couldn't say anything besides cried. Longing his hands to hug me and cry inside his hug. I already too much suffered for everything until words hard to describe. All i am longing since the first time is meet my dream. See and feel his presence.

"She is a nice girl, she is taking care my parents in good, my mother likes her, she is from good family" I am glad if she is kind of person. A mother will find a good one for her lovely son. My dream is the apple of eyes of his mother, i just know that even he not tell me. If i was with you who will guarantee his mother will like me ? who will guarantee i can taking care in good his parents and brothers ? and i think i am not from a good family ... my parents ... separate. 

"come to you blog daily, you know that ?" honestly i just guess who visit to my blog. I have the report of the visitor from site. Maybe it was you or could be another somewhere which i don't know. If this from Pakistan usually from Karachi or Islamabad, i guess one in million it can be my dream or another. If this from UK usually from Leeds or London and again i guess one in million it can be my dream or another. Each i write here, i just feel as like as talk to him. Since he went away, i post more than in past. In used to text, mail and chat then today with this written i can tell all the feelings. 

This week i will do have injection of my narrow back bone. Sample of my white blood cell. I heard it will be pain. That is why i will have pain killer for maybe 2 to 3 hours long to make me stay sleep. The other patients who had done this stage were said it pain and after all would feel tired and sleepy. The medicine i have so far maybe adjust to my body, i have so much hair loss. I plan to cut so short but i think how long i will have this hair again ? i always feel thirsty so i drink as like as a camel. My period take longer and much more bleeding than usual. I easy to feel queasy, headache and tired. My dream, i am not always be a puff girl. I am an ordinary girl and human too, having afraid is usual rite ? now i just afraid of that pain.

 "You still in my heart" you still in my heart too. All i know, you space still same in this heart. That big, that long, that wide, and that deep. This place already choose you. Faith and path are the future not ours to see. In Korean and Japanese drama always be love bring to end. I never imagine it may happen with me. As if i can say this "I miss my dream. I love my dream". I said it in heart and the drip the tears. Be someone who will i proud my dream. Finish your study, be success. Maybe i already in another life-dimension when you are someone and please don't be afraid if i come in another shape-dimension.

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