Suddenly wake up this time, 2.31 am. He is on mind. What is he doing ? how is he ? where is he ? and so on. Maybe he never think as like as i am doing rite now. Maybe i never in his mind again. I just remind about this, the time he had said to me, "My angel, just say what your heart says". I always said "I am afraid" yes i am afraid to be in pieces at last because i never prepare be like that. What the afraid just be true at last. There always whisper for me to not going too far, but i always ignore them. I let my self love him that much, believe all the words, wish hope and dream many things with him. Eveytime i see the baby, my tears just fall because i dream to have one with him, even i know having the baby with my condition is risky. Everytime i drive somewhere and find a nice place, my tears just fall because i dream to go there with him. Everytime i go to Dharmais Hospital to do routine check up and treatment the tears just fall because worry and not find him with me. Already a year and i still be like this, this heart weary. Whenever my friends ask to meet somewhere, i always have reasons to refuse and prefer to do baking and complete the orders. Until at the point, i will move from Jakarta. This blog already my journey since 2008, the words unspoken by mouth but honestly wrote here.